I'm 14 years old, and I was born in a Christian family. I got truly saved last year. I know that I'm saved by Jesus's blood and I want to live for God, but it's hard for me to want to get baptized. I want to get baptized, but also part of me doesn't. I don't want to be all like, "Oh! I'm saved! I'm going to do what God tells me to do and read and pray every day and stop sinning!" one day, and next day "I couldn't read and pray every day and sinned again. I'm so dry and I feel so far from God" the next day.
I would be fine if I can be baptized in front of my family, but I would hate being in front of everybody in the church. I won't feel comfortable at all. Does not wanting to be baptized mean I'm not truly saved? If I don't get baptized, would I go hell? Do I have to get baptized?
"For which of you, intending to build a tower, does not sit down first and count the cost, whether he has enough to finish it -- lest, after he has laid the foundation, and is not able to finish, all who see it begin to mock him, "saying, 'This man began to build and was not able to finish.' Or what king, going to make war against another king, does not sit down first and consider whether he is able with ten thousand to meet him who comes against him with twenty thousand? Or else, while the other is still a great way off, he sends a delegation and asks conditions of peace. So likewise, whoever of you does not forsake all that he has cannot be My disciple" (Luke 14:28-33).
Let's see, by not being baptized:
- You have not yet put on the Lord Jesus Christ. "For as many of you as were baptized into Christ have put on Christ" (Galatians 3:27).
- You have not joined Christ in death. "Or do you not know that as many of us as were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into His death?" (Romans 6:3). This also means that though you claim to be saved by the blood of Jesus, you have yet to contact his blood.
- You have not been buried with Christ and raised to a new life. "Therefore we were buried with Him through baptism into death, that just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, even so we also should walk in newness of life" (Romans 6:4). That would mean that you are still in your old life of sin. "For he who has died has been freed from sin" (Romans 6:7).
- You have not washed away your sins. "And now why are you waiting? Arise and be baptized, and wash away your sins, calling on the name of the Lord" (Acts 22:16).
- You have not put off your sins. "In Him you were also circumcised with the circumcision made without hands, by putting off the body of the sins of the flesh, by the circumcision of Christ, buried with Him in baptism, in which you also were raised with Him through faith in the working of God, who raised Him from the dead. And you, being dead in your trespasses and the uncircumcision of your flesh, He has made alive together with Him, having forgiven you all trespasses" (Colossians 2:11-13). Notice that having your sins means you have not been forgiven.
- You have not been forgiven of your sins or received the gift of the Holy Spirit. "Then Peter said to them, "Repent, and let every one of you be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ for the remission of sins; and you shall receive the gift of the Holy Spirit" (Acts 2:38).
- You have not been saved. "He who believes and is baptized will be saved; but he who does not believe will be condemned" (Mark 16:16). "Corresponding to that, baptism now saves you--not the removal of dirt from the flesh, but an appeal to God for a good conscience--through the resurrection of Jesus Christ" (I Peter 3:21, NASB).
Just exactly did you believe you were rescued from when you claim to be saved without obeying God?
"But why do you call Me 'Lord, Lord,' and do not do the things which I say? Whoever comes to Me, and hears My sayings and does them, I will show you whom he is like: He is like a man building a house, who dug deep and laid the foundation on the rock. And when the flood arose, the stream beat vehemently against that house, and could not shake it, for it was founded on the rock. But he who heard and did nothing is like a man who built a house on the earth without a foundation, against which the stream beat vehemently; and immediately it fell. And the ruin of that house was great" (Luke 6:46-49).
Yet, it doesn't appear that you value a relationship with God. You are certain that you will be an on again, off again Christian. But that is because you put your feelings before your reason. "He who trusts in his own heart is a fool, but whoever walks wisely will be delivered" (Proverbs 28:26). To be a Christian is to be dedicated to fighting the battle against sin regardless of how we may feel on any particular day.
"Everyone who practices sin also practices lawlessness; and sin is lawlessness. You know that He appeared in order to take away sins; and in Him there is no sin. No one who abides in Him sins; no one who sins has seen Him or knows Him. Little children, make sure no one deceives you; the one who practices righteousness is righteous, just as He is righteous; the one who practices sin is of the devil; for the devil has sinned from the beginning. The Son of God appeared for this purpose, to destroy the works of the devil. No one who is born of God practices sin, because His seed abides in him; and he cannot sin, because he is born of God. By this the children of God and the children of the devil are obvious: anyone who does not practice righteousness is not of God, nor the one who does not love his brother" (1 John 3:4-10).
One aspect of being a Christian is not being ashamed of what you are.
- "But what does it say? "The word is near you, in your mouth and in your heart" (that is, the word of faith which we preach): that if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. For with the heart one believes unto righteousness, and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation" (Romans 10:8-10).
- "Therefore whoever confesses Me before men, him I will also confess before My Father who is in heaven. But whoever denies Me before men, him I will also deny before My Father who is in heaven" (Matthew 10:32-33).
- "For whoever is ashamed of Me and My words in this adulterous and sinful generation, of him the Son of Man also will be ashamed when He comes in the glory of His Father with the holy angels" (Mark 8:38).
We aren't even talking about a hostile audience. You value your personal comfort over obedience to the Lord of Heaven and Earth.
It doesn't sound like you are ready to be a Christian yet. But when you are ready, no one will be able to stop you from obeying your Lord because he will have your whole heart.
"Do not think that I came to bring peace on earth. I did not come to bring peace but a sword. For I have come to 'set a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law'; and 'a man's enemies will be those of his own household.' He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me. He who finds his life will lose it, and he who loses his life for My sake will find it" (Matthew 10:34-39).