Before I go any further, a little about myself. Almost two years ago I broke up from my first relationship that lasted about a year an a half. I admit I committed fornication, but when I realized it was sin, I thought it was too late and God would not forgive me. During this time I have allowed my feelings to control me rather than God. That is why I never felt it was sin.
However, after I broke up with him, I came to God and prayed like never before in my life. May be because I was asking for wordly pleasures, which I realized is very small compared to the Almighty's love. I must say that after I broke up I was more successful than ever, completed my masters and immediately got a very good job.
Since this breakup I have never seen anyone else, but I still wonder if God is with me still. When I came to your web site I realized God can forgive sinners like me. I am 26 now and looking for a partner but somewhere deep in my heart, I feel there is no one for me. I have good job enjoy an independent life, I stopped drinking and partying, but still feel lonely and alone on the outside and inside.
I am in the process of apply for permanent residency, but I am not able to get the right score for my application. I feel I am held at crossroads in life where I need someone to guide me and say what to do now. I want to ask you, why am I failing for such long time? Why am I not able to find a partner in my life? I pray every day, but I'm still not sure what God exactly wants me to do.
Looking forward to your response. Have a good day.
Notice that you don't measure yourself against what God teaches. You decide if you pleasing God by the measure of whether you are pleased with yourself. You use your own ambitions, happiness, and feelings as the determining factor of whether God is on your side. "But they, measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise" (II Corinthians 10:12).
What God teaches is that if you put Him first in your life, then He will take care of the things you cannot. There is no promise of an easy or successful life. A read through the Bible shows that most followers of God endured a lot of hardships. "And what more shall I say? For the time would fail me to tell of Gideon and Barak and Samson and Jephthah, also of David and Samuel and the prophets: who through faith subdued kingdoms, worked righteousness, obtained promises, stopped the mouths of lions, quenched the violence of fire, escaped the edge of the sword, out of weakness were made strong, became valiant in battle, turned to flight the armies of the aliens. Women received their dead raised to life again. And others were tortured, not accepting deliverance, that they might obtain a better resurrection. Still others had trial of mockings and scourgings, yes, and of chains and imprisonment. They were stoned, they were sawn in two, were tempted, were slain with the sword. They wandered about in sheepskins and goatskins, being destitute, afflicted, tormented -- of whom the world was not worthy. They wandered in deserts and mountains, in dens and caves of the earth. And all these, having obtained a good testimony through faith, did not receive the promise" (Hebrews 11:32-39).
Your life did improve after you stopped sinning because without the sin in your life you were able to focus on living life in a better way. Not everything in life will go well. We need the challenges of the bumps in life to overcome so that we can grow stronger in our trust in God.
"He has shown you, O man, what is good; and what does the LORD require of you but to do justly, To love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God?" (Micah 6:8).
If I had to guess a reason why you haven't found anyone is because you've allowed yourself to get depressed over your past. "A merry heart does good, like medicine, but a broken spirit dries the bones" (Proverbs 17:22). There is enough sadness in the world. People looking for a companion are looking for someone pleasant to be around.
As hard as it is to do at times, force yourself to see others, your environment, and even yourself in a positive light. Note the things that are right and pleasant so as to not focus exclusively on the negative things in life. "Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy -- meditate on these things. The things which you learned and received and heard and saw in me, these do, and the God of peace will be with you" (Philippians 4:8-9).