I try very hard to open my heart to God, but since I moved to another country my heart turned to stone. I go to church but I feel like a hypocrite. When I am in church I start to think about the rent to pay and the things I need to do. I don't know, I just feel that I need a guide. I need help with my spiritual life. In every church I go I feel like an outcast, and I need someone to teach me and help me. My sins are infinite. I don't want God to leave me. I don't want to delude Him. I need to gain my old faith to worship Him like I used to do. I hate this new me. I don't know what is wrong with me. I think Satan is tempting me and I am falling to the temptations. I fear God with all my heart.
Please be my guide in my spiritual life. Don't let me go. I have no one to tell to my secrets. I want someone I could confess to. I need to open my heart to someone. I am very reserved and I never really truly opened my heart to anyone except to God in my prayers.
I have always been afraid to show the real me, including the good side. I live wearing a mask. I pray hidden from everyone. I haven't ever prayed in front of someone. When I hear someone coming I always get up and pretend as I wasn't doing anything. In my heart I know that it is wrong. I wish to be more courageous. Help me.
God did many things for me, and I had never repaid Him.
I'm willing to listen if you wish to tell me what is bothering you. It does appear that you are making things out to be harder than it really is. "By this we know that we love the children of God, when we love God and keep His commandments. For this is the love of God, that we keep His commandments. And His commandments are not burdensome" (I John 5:2-3).
"You are the light of the world. A city that is set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do they light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house. Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven" (Matthew 5:14-16).
Thanks for replying, I really appreciate it.
I think you are right, but why is that I feel like I am missing something? I feel like I am not doing things right. I always wish I was a better person, a better sister, a better child, a better friend. Sometimes you don't understand when you are doing something not right but the worst part of it is when you realize what you did and you regret it. You wish to go back and do things in the right way. I never understand myself. I always do things that I regret in less than one hour. I hate the guilty feeling. I can't understand why I did it. I can't understand myself why I did it. It is like another me did it. I can't explain my actions sometimes. It is not like I did big sins, but I feel guilty even if I fight with my sister, or I talk bad about someone. It is like something pushes me to do it and later something makes me regret it.
I am sorry for bothering you. You can also just not read my notes and delete them. I will keep writing because it kind of make me feel better and I dont know why. I wish I had someone who tells me about Jesus every day. My bestfriend used too. She was like a guide for me.
Thanks for the words from the Bible.
"He who trusts in his own heart is a fool, but whoever walks wisely will be delivered" (Proverbs 28:26).
This is not to say that what you may have been doing is right or wrong, but what I see you doing is rating your life based on your feelings and not on what God actually said.
If you realize that you are doing something wrong, then the best response is to learn how not to repeat it. A prudent person is someone who looks ahead to see what is coming. "The wisdom of the prudent is to understand his way, but the folly of fools is deceit" (Proverbs 14:8). Thus, to be prudent, you need to pay attention to what you are about to do. "A prudent man foresees evil and hides himself, but the simple pass on and are punished" (Proverbs 22:3). If you keep making mistakes then perhaps the better thing to do is to slow down and consider what you are about to do first instead of regretting it later.