I think I am sinner. Will God ever forgive me? I am not a religious person, though I want to be. But I am not sure if I will ever be religious because I have done a lot of sinful things. I used to have a problem with drug addiction which led me to do sinful things like robbing, stealing, and fighting -- anything really to get my hands on drugs. These are not the only sins I have committed; there are things like adultery that I am really really embarrassed to even think about now. When I think about it, it angers me and I really regret it.
Now I am trying to make my life better. I have quit drugs, but I am still on substitute legal drugs. Recently I have been showing interest in the Bible. I am reading the Bible and learning prayers. But when I read more and think about myself, I find myself hating myself more and more. My life has never been a smooth one. Bad luck has always come before me in every aspect of my life. I always keep on losing jobs, friends, and people I care about. I cant think of a day when I was a really happy person. I have made my family cry so much before that they used to curse me.
But now when I try to put things behind men and try to move on, I continue to have bad luck like before. I have a broken hand, and I have a pain in my leg for many years now, which prohibits me from working many hours. I do not have good qualifications to do any easier job. When I read the Bible and think about all this bad luck and pain I have caused, I find myself wondering is God punishing me. Am I worthy to even ask for forgiveness, and will God ever forgive me? I really need help and advice. I am a different person now, but when I think about my past, it makes me insane. Thank you.
It is too bad that you are not in my area where we can have long talks, but let's do the best we can with what we have.
First off, men make messes of their lives with sin. God's goal is not the condemnation of people -- they've done a thorough job of that already. God is on a rescue mission. "For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved. e who believes in Him is not condemned; but he who does not believe is condemned already, because he has not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God. And this is the condemnation, that the light has come into the world, and men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil" (John 3:17-19). In other words, Jesus did not come to keep people out; he came to bring people like you in.
God doesn't look at your past. He looks at who you are. "But if a wicked man turns from all his sins which he has committed, keeps all My statutes, and does what is lawful and right, he shall surely live; he shall not die. None of the transgressions which he has committed shall be remembered against him; because of the righteousness which he has done, he shall live. "Do I have any pleasure at all that the wicked should die?" says the Lord GOD, "and not that he should turn from his ways and live?"" (Ezekiel 18:21-23). If you don't make it to heaven, it won't because God didn't try; it will be because you gave up.
It sounds like you've made good strides in changing your life. Now it is time to really get into becoming a Christian and serving God. See How to Become a Christian and What Must I Do to be Save? for more details on what God requires from you.
You spent a long time ruining your life, so putting the pieces back together is not going to be instantaneous nor easy. There are a lot of bad habits you need to replace with good habits. It is doable and I know people who have done it. But it is going to require sticking with it to accomplish it. As you change and improve, you will see life change around you. And as you need help sorting through issues, you are always welcome to write me.