Question:

I have been lying to my husband about our finances pretty much ever since we got married. I have always had horrible money management, and he knows that but not to what extent. He is deployed and this is our first time apart for more than two months since we've been married, and I can say that this is the hardest time in my life and our marriage. I have always had a problem with deceit. I didn't ever tell him the whole truth about the finances unless he happened to find out on his own. Since he has been gone I have squandered our money, and I have put us in debt.

I have been fasting and praying to break these strongholds, and just yesterday I feel that they have been broken. I confessed to God and truly repented of lying and being financially unfaithful, however, I did not seek advice before taking actions. I made a plan to be truthful and transparent, but in this plan I was to tell my husband everything I have been doing since he has been gone. So I went through with my plan and told him everything early this morning. I somehow never fully understood the scriptures on prudence and I'm not good at being discreet. So I told him everything and he is livid as he should be. All of his hard earned money is going down the drain along with all of our future plans. He really is working hard and is truly trying to live according to the Bible. I believe that he has really fought hard not to sin against God or me, and now he sees that I have been sinning against God and him. I don't want to hurt him but I can't let him think that he would have this money when he comes home and then find that there's nothing there. Also because I knew that he would find out soon because I might have affected his credit.

I don't want him stressing and having a hard time while he's away, but I really made a bad situation worse. I thought that I needed to tell him to be truthful, and transparent. Was this the correct thing to do? Are there any biblical solutions to this? I know that I shouldn't have mismanaged the money, and I shouldn't have lied, but I did, and now I don't know where to begin to try to fix it.


Answer:

It almost seems that you are trying to destroy your marriage. Yes, you needed to tell your husband the truth because he is directly impacted by your foolish behavior. This isn't something you can repair without him knowing.

The first thing you are going to do is go to DaveRamsey.com. I don't often recommend outside resources, but you need specialized help and quickly. I want you to find the nearest class to you and go, or take the classes online. I don't know of a better, practical, and scripturally sound program. He also has a radio show that will give you good starting tips. It will be rough but exciting as you begin to make progress.

You'll have to stop being the naive little girl who needs rescuing. You're in the adult world and you need to grow up fast.

I thank you for your help and I pray that I haven't destroyed it. I pray that God will bless you greatly for helping His people to understand what it means to walk in His ways.