Question:

Is it possible to view sexual instructional videos with the true intent of learning techniques to increase intimacy with ones's wife, without falling prey to lust? I know that many men fall into addiction to this type of content, but if the intent is positive, can this be done?


Answer:

First, we must establish that some will argue that you can do wrong in order to accomplish good. "And why not say, "Let us do evil that good may come"? -- as we are slanderously reported and as some affirm that we say. Their condemnation is just" (Romans 3:8). Therefore, intent is not a measure of whether something is right or wrong.

Second, the need for this type of instruction makes a person wonder what people did before the invention of videos. Perhaps some argued the "need" to visit prostitutes in order to better learn how to please their wives. It is a false argument. You find out what you and your wife find pleasing by talking to each other.

You noted that these types of videos have snared men. Let's then put the terms clearly before us. In the guise of offering "instruction" pornography is presented. It has all the same sinful attributes of pornography:

  • A person is seeing other people, to whom they are not married without clothing.
  • A person is watching other people engaged in sex
  • The design of the video is to arouse lust, which is then called "successful" learning.
  • Since the focus of this lust is on people to whom you are not married, it is sinful (Matthew 5:28).
  • Since the focus is on images of other people, the thoughts of sex become impersonal.
  • The emphasis is on physical gratification, instead of broader, much more important aspects of building a solid marriage.

The reality is that this is pornography, though labeled as "instructional." It is sinful, as all pornography is sinful. "For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality; that each of you should know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in passion of lust, like the Gentiles who do not know God" (I Thessalonians 4:3-5).

Thank you very much! I will stay clear of this type of material and what you have said makes a lot of sense. Exploring what works best for my wife and me is the best route to go. The things depicted in those videos don't work for everyone anyway. Thank you for taking the time to help me out!