Question:

I have a question about God and His choice for a spouse: Is it true that there one person He has chosen for each of us?  If this is truth, would the person he has chosen for me be married and would I meet him while I was married? 

My current partner and I meet and had an adulterous affair while both of us were still married.  We both divorced within months from our previous partners. We have been together for almost a decade now, not yet married.  These have been a very hard fought nine years with him sleeping with many other women through those years and culminating to this year when I too sought the arms of another.  We are back together again.  Trying to work through our issues.  I just question whether he is the one He has sent for me to partner with here in this world.  Would the man I am to be with be sent by God as a married man, and me being married sin with this man, and then we continue to live unmarried for nine years?  Will God bless this relationship?  Can it be meant to be?  Or am I kidding myself?

When I sought the arms of another this year, after years of verbal and mental abuse at the hands of my partner, I fell madly and deeply in love with an unmarried man.  I immediately broke up with the man I was living with.  We too fornicated,  but this ended badly too as I went back to my long-term partner.  While I know we fornicated, the fact is I met and fell in love with the unmarried man while I too was unmarried, but fornicating with another. Could this have been the man God meant for me, sent to me so that I could release myself from an abusive relationship?  Sent to me to walk the path along with myself and God?

Now I am positive the chance of getting back together with the unmarried man has been ruined forever because of my fear of leaving my long-term partner.  So now as I ponder my purpose with this man and I can't stop wondering if this is a relationship blessed by God or was it a union from the devil from the start.  I know that my love for him has changed so very much from the love I held for him years ago.  After the treatment, lack of love, and faithfulness shown to me by him, I don't know if I can ever get that love back.  I am getting to know God again right now, and I wonder if maybe I am supposed to be alone (something I've never been) so that I may learn more from God and hear His plans for me.  Am I wasting my time with the person I had an adulterous affair with?

Was the unmarried man the man God sent to me, made for me? I know I can never mend that relationship, but I pray everyday that I could get back with this person who is the only one to ever show me such pure love -- love for me only.


Answer:

"Beloved, do not imitate what is evil, but what is good. He who does good is of God, but he who does evil has not seen God" (III John 11).

You are not only kidding yourself, you are living a lie.

It is a popular myth that God has picked out one person for you to live with, but the teaching doesn't come from the Bible. It is an out-growth of Calvinism which teaches that since God is sovereign, then He must have absolute control of everything. Pure Calvinism rejects the idea that men have the right granted to them by God to make their own decisions. Yet, oddly many Calvinist believe people can go against God's will, stating that a bad choice will lead them to a miserable life.

What God teaches through the Bible is how to pick a good spouse, how two people can become one, and how they can resolve their problems. What you have done is ignored all of God's advice and are now blaming God for the fact that you are living in adultery. You accused God of tempting you will sexual sins. "Let no one say when he is tempted, "I am tempted by God"; for God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does He Himself tempt anyone" (James 1:13). The truth is that you have been ignoring God most of your life and you have been following your own desires which led you to a messed up life.

You selected a man to marry a long time ago. It was your responsibility to carry out the terms of your covenant with that man. Instead, you went off and committed adultery. Your husband, as was his right, divorced you because of your unfaithfulness to your covenant. "And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery" (Matthew 19:9). He was free to marry someone else, but you are still bound by the terms of the covenant that you chose to break. For all intents and purpose, you gave up your right to marriage when you walked out on your partner.

Yet, you justified your sin by telling yourself that this man must be your "one and only." That is until years later you finally faced the fact that a man willing to break his marriage vows has no problems with hoping from bed to bed. You too eventually did the same, deciding the next man was your "one and only." In none of this did you even pretend to get married, yet you still justified it to yourself by saying that God led you to these men. God isn't behind these sins -- you are, being deceived by Satan.

If you want to live righteously, first off give up the adultery. Move out on your own and learn what it means to be a true follower of God.

Sir, I respectfully state that you are a harsh person. I never once stated I blamed God for any of my situation.  I take full responsibility for all of my actions. I was questioning whether the sins committed in the past will be forgiven and the union blessed by Him. I am struggling with "hearing Jesus" and am struggling with my current relationship and trying to "hear" what Jesus says about it. I never blamed Him nor feel that way.  I know I am a sinner, and still am a sinner in my current situation. I was only asking would God bless our marriage if we got married right now, or is it forever doomed?  I know Jesus has forgiven both of us for our adultery and now our living out of wedlock.  I know that what we are doing right now is wrong, and I know Jesus will forgive us once again as soon as we make a choice to stay and get married or break up.  My question was: "Will this union ever be truly blessed by Him?"

The reason you wrote to me is because I am straightforward with the truth. "Unlike so many, we do not peddle the word of God for profit. On the contrary, in Christ we speak before God with sincerity, like men sent from God" (II Corinthians 2:17 NIV).

You had asked: "Could this have been the man God meant for me, sent to me so that I could release myself from an abusive relationship?  Sent to me to walk the path along with myself and God?" You are stating that you think God would send someone to you with whom to commit adultery. You are suggesting and believe that God encourages people, such as yourself, to sin. I rest my case.

The verses I quoted state that since you broke your marriage covenant, you gave up your right to remarry. That is God's law. You are committing adultery living with a man right now. If you marry him or another man you will continue to be in adultery (Matthew 5:32; 19:9; Mark 10:11-12; Luke 16:18). God does not bless people who continue to disobey His commandments. Jesus has not forgiven your sins when you continue to wallow in them.

You are not forever doomed unless you choose to remain in your sins. That is why I stated you first have to repent (turn away from) your sins. Only then can you start to learn the correct way to lead a godly life.

"But if a wicked man turns from all his sins which he has committed, keeps all My statutes, and does what is lawful and right, he shall surely live; he shall not die. None of the transgressions which he has committed shall be remembered against him; because of the righteousness which he has done, he shall live. Do I have any pleasure at all that the wicked should die?" says the Lord GOD, "and not that he should turn from his ways and live?"" (Ezekiel 18:21-23).