Question:

Is it wrong to fantasize about my wife.  My wife  and has refused to have sex with me for over five years now. She considers me a best friend and the father of our children but not much else.  She is not a Christian, so she has no concern for what the scriptures teach about due benevolence.  I've tried many things to revive this part of our relationship but to no avail.  I don't want to burn with lust.  So, I have pictured times from the past with my wife (fantasizing) to get past these strong sexual urges. Am I sinning?

Answer:

No because your wife should be the one you desire. It would not be that much different than a man whose wife became ill and was not able to have sex. I'm sorry about your situation. I've run across similar cases several times and have yet to figure out how to encourage the disinterested party to change.

Thanks Jeff, this helps. There are some brethren who have tried to convince me this practice is wrong. I have not read anything in God's word that convicts me that it is sinful. It is also helpful to hear that I am not the only one faced with this dilemma. Your web site encourages me. Thank you again.

There is a widespread belief that anything pleasurable must have something wrong with it. Commonly a chocolate cake is called "sinfully rich," though in reality we know that eating cake isn't a sin. Extending that base belief, many people assume masturbation is wrong simply because it brings momentary intense pleasure. The assumption is that there must be something wrong about it.

I have tried to address the issue of whether masturbation is sinful in "Is masturbation unacceptable?" and "Is masturbation sinful or not?" Just to be clear, the thoughts and actions which sometimes accompanies masturbation can be sinful. It also would be wrong for a husband or wife to use masturbation in place of having sex with their spouse. In your case, neither applies because you aren't using pornography or thoughts of other women, and you are only resorting to it because sex has been made unavailable to you.