Question:

Hi, I have read through a lot of your Answered Questions, and wanted to throw one out at you. Do you think it's improper for a married Christian couple to "talk dirty" during sex, using words and language they would ordinarily not use in daily conversation? (If no one else is around and the intent of the language is just to make the sexual experience more enjoyable.) I am curious to see your thoughts. Thank you.

Answer:

Discussing intimate details regarding sex is not one we reserve for open discussion. "And those members of the body which we think to be less honorable, on these we bestow greater honor; and our unpresentable parts have greater modesty" (I Corinthians 12:23). But a private discussion regarding sex would be natural between a husband and wife who are learning each other's bodies and enjoying them.

When you read the Song of Solomon, you find several beautiful descriptions between Solomon and his wife (Song of Solomon 4:1-5:1; 5:10-16; 7:1-9; 7:11-8:3). The terms uplift and praise the focus of the one loved and enjoyed.

However, when one speaks of "talking dirty" it carries the idea of degrading references to things that ought to held in respect. God clearly tells His children, "But shun profane and idle babblings, for they will increase to more ungodliness" (II Timothy 2:16). To profane something is to pollute or defile it, like trash being tossed in a park. It is the wicked, not God's children who are profane (I Timothy 1:9). If this wasn't clear enough, God tells us not to engage in filthy talk. "But fornication and all uncleanness or covetousness, let it not even be named among you, as is fitting for saints; neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor coarse jesting, which are not fitting, but rather giving of thanks" (Ephesians 5:3-4).

There isn't an exception given to husbands and wives. The opposite should be true. Their love and respect for each other ought to demand that they never degrade even the most intimate parts of their union.