Question:

I have been faithful to my wife, however she filed for divorce a few weeks ago. Since she filed for divorce, she has started dating another man. He stays with her late into the night on most occasions. Is this enough proof to assume adultery is involved. It is still a few weeks until our divorce is final. Thanks and I enjoy your website.

Answer:

I've mentioned before that the messes we face today is a result of the idea of a "no fault" divorce. For thousands of years a divorce required appearing before a court and proving the the other was not fit, such as proving the other had committed adultery. Today you more often than not find the sinning spouse filling for divorce to free themselves from their obligations. Since no one cares about the reason for the divorce, there is no stigma for being the cause of the broken marriage.

Most likely this probable affair has been going on for a while. I sincerely doubt that it started after the divorce was filled. More likely it is what spurred the filing of the divorce. One simple solution is to just ask her privately if this was the case. Tell her why you want to know -- that you don't want to sin against God, so you want to know if you are free to remarry according to God's Word. She might be willing to tell you in private what she would not say in public.

If the divorce is because of adultery on her part, I would conclude you are free to remarry. If, however, the divorce is because of other problems and she is jumping the gun to start dating again (assuming she denies they are having sex), then I would sadly conclude you don't have a case for remarriage.

If you strongly suspect that she is committing adultery, you might want to talk to your lawyer. Knowledge that she is the guilty party might impact the settlement of the divorce -- especially if children are involved. I should mention that there are some preachers who think that if you counter file for divorce on the grounds of adultery before this marriage ends then you are free to remarry. I think this just adds a technicality to what the Lord stated, but you should consider it as you wrestle with this problem.