Question:

Should I reconcile with my ex-husband although he has issues with smoking pot? I divorced him over three years ago and I discovered biblically I was wrong because it was not for adultery. He since then continues to smoke but seems to have changed in other areas. I despise the fact that he smokes and does so frequently. Anyhow, I am more concerned about being in the will of God despite how I feel. He wants to reconcile; I told him that he has to cut the drugs out before we ever marry again. The thing is it has such a strong hold on him and I wonder if I am wrong for expecting for him to give it up? What if he never does; does that mean that I must remain single forever?


Answer:

"Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife" (I Corinthians 7:10-11).

There can be reasons to divorce other than adultery, but only in the case of sexual immorality on the part of your husband would you have the right to marry someone else. Since you divorced for reasons other than sexual immorality on your husband's part, you have the choice of remaining unmarried or being reconciled to your husband.

Your ex-husband is a drug addict. That is a sin as he is not sober-minded as God commands. If he is not motivated to leave the drugs behind to win your hand again now, then getting married is certainly not going to make it more likely to happen. The fact that you are making it a condition for returning shows wisdom on your part. If I can be so bold, I would tell him that he has to stay clean for at least two years, then you would be willing to have him back. The choice then is his and not yours. There is no reason for you to accept his sin just because he has a hard time giving it up. Rather you and I hope that his desire for companionship will override his addiction. It may happen, or it may not, but that is up to him.

But yes, in this battle you must remain available to return to your ex-husband if he does conquer his addiction. If he dies before you, then you are free to marry someone else, but not before then.

Thank you so much for responding so quickly! I honestly was not expecting an answer until months to come.

God Bless.

One last question please… what is the difference between sexual immorality and adultery?

I am not always able to answer quickly, but I hate to leave questions to pile up, so I try to stay on top of things.

Sexual immorality or fornication, is sex outside the bounds of marriage. Adultery is sex where at least one person is married, but not to the person with whom they are having sex. Thus, fornication can include adultery because the two people are not married to each other, but is broader as it includes sex prior to marriage.

Generally when fornication is used by itself, it takes on the broader meaning -- all sexual sins. For example, "For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality" (I Thessalonians 4:3).

When it is used with adultery, such as in a list of sins, then it refers to sex before marriage and adultery covers the illicit sex after marriage. For example, "Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites" (I Corinthians 6:9).

If my ex-husband does not stop smoking and begins dating other woman, am I to remain available for him? To be honest, my fear is that he will never leave marijuana alone. It is a family curse. Sometimes he expresses his frustration and need for intimacy and I have told him “no because we are not married.” Since then he has calmed down, but sometimes I am a bit fearful of how long we are going to be in the state that we are in, “dating” without him ever letting go of the smoking.

The choice you made is done. You had the choice of remaining with him or leaving and remaining unmarried (I Corinthians 7:10-11). You took the later. Whether he chooses to leave his sins is up to him. But just because he continues in his sins or adds additional sins to them does not give you the right to marry another man. There are only two options available to you at this point: either you reconcile with him at some point in the future when he leaves his sins behind, or he has passed on, which leaves you free to remarry.

Ok, I understand now and I couldn’t agree with you more. I will be patient and wait. Thank you