Question:

Question

Answer:

If a person has sex out of wedlock, how can it be made right? I will be having a baby; what should I do?


The past is over and down with. It is the present and the future with which you must concern yourself. It doesn't mean that the past will disappear. Each of us must live with the consequences of the choices that we have made in the past.

When a person gets drunk and then is involved in a car wreck that takes the lives of innocent people, realizing that it was wrong to get drunk will not make those people come back to life. The consequences of many of our choices are not reversible. Oh, we can work to soften the blow of what we have done, but we cannot fully undo our past choices.

You made a choice to have sex with a man to whom you were not married. Though sexual intercourse is pleasurable for the moment, its purpose is to lead to the conception of children. Just as the drunk cannot reasonably say "I didn't intend to have a accident" even though he got behind the wheel of a car anyway; you are not able to excuse the consequences of your past actions by saying "I didn't intend to get pregnant." Babies come from sex. You had sex and now you must deal with the resulting child.

When Paul convinced the Corinthians that they had sinned, the brethren made changes in their lives. "For even if I made you sorry with my letter, I do not regret it; though I did regret it. For I perceive that the same epistle made you sorry, though only for a while. Now I rejoice, not that you were made sorry, but that your sorrow led to repentance. For you were made sorry in a godly manner, that you might suffer loss from us in nothing. For godly sorrow produces repentance leading to salvation, not to be regretted; but the sorrow of the world produces death. For observe this very thing, that you sorrowed in a godly manner: What diligence it produced in you, what clearing of yourselves, what indignation, what fear, what vehement desire, what zeal, what vindication! In all things you proved yourselves to be clear in this matter" (I Corinthians 7:8-11). Their sorrow for their past choices caused them to repent. Repentance is literally the idea of making a complete "about face," to turn around and start walking in a different direction. Repentance is not the sorrow, it is the action that is triggered by the sorrow.

Godly sorrow produces a repentance that leads to salvation. When we sin -- whether by having sex outside of marriage (fornication), or by lying, or by stealing, or the like -- we have broken our relationship with God. "Behold, the LORD'S hand is not shortened, that it cannot save; nor His ear heavy, that it cannot hear. But your iniquities have separated you from your God; and your sins have hidden His face from you, so that He will not hear" (Isaiah 59:1-2). Hence, the first step is to repair your broken relationship with God.

If you have not become a Christian, now would be the best time in your life to give your life over to God. As His child, the Father will watch over you and protect you. But you can't expect aid while you rebel against God and His guidance. It is unfortunate, but the majority think they are Christians and following God, yet they have never listened and done what God has asked them to do. "Enter by the narrow gate; for wide is the gate and broad is the way that leads to destruction, and there are many who go in by it. Because narrow is the gate and difficult is the way which leads to life, and there are few who find it" (Matthew 7:13-14). There are a lot of ways to get to Hell, but there is only one way to Heaven. Many think they are on the road to Heaven, but they never look at the road signs or ask for directions. Hence, they don't find out they went the wrong way until they reached the wrong destination. Rather than repeat what has been written before, please take a moment to read "What Must I Do to Go to Heaven?" for complete details.

If you are truly a Christian and had allowed Satan to entrap you in sin once again, then you need to take advantage of the avenue God has given to His children. "If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness" (I John 1:8-9). God asks His children to admit their mistakes. When we sin, we need to go to God in prayer, admit our errors, and ask for forgiveness. When we do, we can trust God to forgive us of our sins because of the sacrifice Jesus made on our behalf. "My little children, these things I write to you, so that you may not sin. And if anyone sins, we have an Advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous" (I John 2:1).

Going back to the example of the Corinthians, we find that they not only sought salvation, but they also diligently sought to vindicate themselves and to clear themselves of their past mistakes. I'm not privy to your situation. I don't know how old you are. I don't know if you have marriage plans in the near future, or if the father of your child has run off as so many do when they see they might be responsible for a young life. I don't know if you will be able to support yourself and the child. However, you have some very tough decisions to make and you need to make them soon. The baby would delay his coming just because you are having trouble making up your mind.

That all said, you cannot put your own personal happiness first in this matter. Your decisions are going to affect a human life. You need to think about what is best for the youngster in your womb. The best environment to raise a child is in a stable home that has both a mother and a father. While it would be nice if you could provide the mothering, your situation might not allow it. If you are still a teenager, you still have growing up to do. A child cannot easily raise a child. If there is no man willing to commit his life with yours, you will not be able to provide the fathering that is also essential for a growing child's well being. There is also the matter of income. Can you afford to raise the child?

If you are not in the position to give the child a good home, then I would encourage you to seriously consider adoption. There are many families who would gladly add your child to their own. I personally know of many. It would give you peace of mind that your child is being raised by a loving couple. Perhaps he will have a better home than your own. In addition, many adoption agencies will help you by covering the costs of having the baby, so that you will not have to bear that financial burden.

While it is exceedingly difficult to give up a child for adoption, often it is a far better choice in the long run. Then, when the baby is situated in a good home, you can focus on turning your life around.

I pray for the best for you and your child. If I can be of further service, please let me know.

March 15, 2005